For die-hard Annie fans like me, the fact that the Annie remake is opening on Christmas Day is bittersweet. On the one hand, it’s Annie! Yay. On the other hand, of all the actresses in the land that the filmmakers could have chosen to play Miss Hannigan — that famous orphanage overlord with a booze problem — they chose… Cameron Diaz? Really? Having her take on Carol Burnett’s iconic role feels like having Miley Cyrus play Lucy Ricardo. You just. Don’t. Do that.
Let’s review the rest of the casting. Jamie Foxx as Daddy Warbucks? Interesting. That little girl from the indie film about a swamp as Annie? Adorable. But Cameron Diaz as Miss Hannigan? Sure, and why not pour some oil into a jar of water, while we’re at it.
One glance at the movie’s trailer affirms that Diaz is not believable in the role for a second. Lest you think I’m needlessly hating on poor CD, allow me to suggest some roles that I think she could nail. And they aren’t even remakes! (Hollywood, take note.)
- The sad manager of an accessory kiosk at the mall learns to love again with the help of a happy-go-lucky food court employee.
- A zany mom runs a camp that teaches over-achieving suburban kids how to just be kids (the swamp girl could be in this one).
- Two divorcees facing midlife crises turn to the pole (with Drew Barrymore).
- A photojournalist from the big city goes on safari and remembers what really matters.
- An aging party girl finally grows up when she gets lost in space.
In closing, Cameron Diaz should be removed from Annie immediately so that the ghost of Joan Rivers can take her place. Now that’s a remake I’d want to see.