Tell Me if This Sounds Familiar

Picture this: A woman gets into her jewel-blue Hyundai in the parking lot of her child’s school, on a sunny fall morning in Washington, DC. She turns on the classical music station in a desperate bid for tranquility. She needs it to anchor herself, to ground herself, on this sunny fall morning, when her head is buzzing with out-of-control thoughts, her heart buzzing with feelings she hasn’t processed.

On the outside she looks so put-together. She seems calm, happy, well-rested. But she is never well-rested, no matter how much sleep she gets, these days. Still, to the outside world, to the casual on-looker, this is a well-dressed woman who just got her daughter to school on time and is getting into her car to speed off into her work day. Easy-peasy.

Don’t touch that dial…

She starts the car, makes a calculation: Listen to a podcast? Too much trouble. Sit in silence? No way. Not now. So she turns on 90.9 WETA, the classical music station, for reassurance that all can be jolly and civilized in this world. She can allow herself a fiction for a while, can’t she? It’s only a 1.4-mile drive home.

And then, after a pleasant minute or two of golden sound, it’s time for the NPR news break, and at first, it’s smooth talk about Hillary testifying before Congress, easy to tune out, even interesting, sort of. She can buoy herself, reassured that she is an engaged citizen who follows the news, paying attention without really paying attention. This, she can handle.

But then, BAM, the reporter narrates in a steady voice that they stabbed someone in Israel, two people actually, and then there was a shooting in Eritrea, and then before the woman can help herself she is filled with outrage. Because really, you have two minutes to share the news of the world, and the most important news in the whole world are these two instances of violence? Really? It is an assault. She cannot process violence in two minutes; no one can. What are we to do with this information?, she wonders. How does it help us with our day? How does it even make us more informed, leaving so many questions unanswered about why, and in what context.

And this woman, anger churning, thinks, “You have two minutes to give me news, so tell me, how do I stop this stress?” Tell me about good people doing good work all over this world, she thinks; that would help me get outside myself.

But instead, you tell me of shootings, stabbings, as if listing items on a grocery list, and then on with your day. This is not a service. This is just one more thing to ward off, to manage, and don’t you know how much I already have to deal with?

I am weak, she confesses, at a stoplight, as she turns the radio off. Don’t you know? I cannot fight the good fight, all alone, if you will not help me.

This woman, she knows that vulnerability is true strength, but lately, she vacillates between feeling vulnerable-strong and just-plain-vulnerable… so open she might just slip outside herself. Yesterday in yoga class, she did poses meant to open up the heart, and they made her feel so vulnerable, she thought she might weep. Her friends post on Facebook about miscarriages and tell her by phone of financial struggle, family strife, illness, and it is too much. It is all too much.

The other morning at the gas station a man asked her for a dollar to buy a hotdog, and she became guarded, instantly she put on that armor, you know the one I mean, but it was harder to muster than it usually is. It felt wrong, it felt like she should soften, should talk to him, because what separates us, other than armor? But if she lets in all the pain, she wonders, terrified, then how on earth will she have the strength to fight?

And she needs to fight, so she can connect to the real, so she can live the life she wants to live. She needs to get still, and getting still is still a fight, for her. A hard battle and she is trying to let other people help her but so often she ends up back in this lonely place, the lonely warrior, feeling like she’s fighting her fight, all alone.

Amidst all this, this struggle of humanity, she feels strongly that when she turns on the classical music station, they should just play music. The DJ should just speak in reassuring tones about the name of the composer and describe the sunny fall morning we’re having in Washington, DC, so she can just drive her blue Hyundai the 1.4 miles home from her daughter’s school, and things won’t fall apart not just yet.

2 thoughts on “Tell Me if This Sounds Familiar

  1. …..i am……f.e.m.i.n.i.s.t…..!! for " Change The World "write,speak,share,spread the Word,make your own proposal,involved your work community,spread the Word and make poesy,with this Project…..of The United Nations ( U.N ) & UN WOMEN.The Project start on november with the speech below,by President of EE.UU, Barack Obama in New York,UN assembly, like John Kennedy on Berlin….i am…feminist…!! for change the world, women are the key for change,and the POPE Francisco, make the same speech on VATICANE, ROME.., surprising the people over world…you can change the world too, …be expeditive,be creative,be corageous,be altruist, be you….!! Thanks for your interested , and many thanks for your contribution to a bertter world, thanks for your creativity, for your intellegence and for your courage….thanks in my name , in the name of all iinvolved at this absurd, uthopic and fascinant project, thanks in the name of United Nations ( U.N. ) , and many thanks in the name of millions womens,girls and childs arround the world, you are an inspiration and example for us , and for them….Wellcome to he biggest net of activist for change the world, and the most global fith columne, the all countries,international institutions, religions institutions, governments administrations, think-tanks, finance world,univeristies, NGOS, foundations, human rights associattions, womens nationals federations, multinationals the all sectors, knowledges centres of each area, and particulars the all sexual, social and policy condition, sex, age, religion confession, ethic, philosophy, ethnic…You have a power, and this is well , but is a responsability too, the responsability of export your knowledges, creativity, intelligence, sensibility,empathy and resources at all you can trough an altruist way.The United Nations ( U.N. ) & UN WOMEN ; " Change The World Programme " IT IS WOMAN…S.T.U.P.Y.D.S,..!! Not is economy,policy,religions,finance world,culture,education,arts,science,love,sex or fall in love.WOMEN WORLDWIDE SPRING REVOLUTION 2015 ; The last humanity re-evolution for change world and STOP stupyds MEN wars,MEN econony, MEN policies, MEN religions, MEN education, MEN culture, MEN science, MEN communication, MEN journalism, MEN sports, MEN sense life, MEN relationships, MEN bussines, MEN press, MEN love, MEN sex and MEN fall in love.I AM………..F.E.M.i.N.i.S.T……!!! UN WOMEN world campaign….Kiss of love , or french kiss for the true way of relation ourself, others, world, espiritual,earth, space, love, sex or fall in love……….remenber your bravery…..and make poesy……..!!We will sent you at soon possible, the complete programme , and all involucrated arround the world, down we let a blog , where you can view the first part….., check and if you all right , add your means, ideas, senses and write,make music, film, theather, videogames, press,journalism, innovation, emotional, all sciences-POESY, share in your community work, area, family this message, the blog and the compkete project.you can do it , only make it with passion, emotion,with soul….be expeditive, genuine, original, , dont make it the belive or think, try to translate how you sense, , let your mind free, and make it with tears, with fun, with sense, with horror, with happy…..be you…..and the theme is " Change World " or THE LIFE…..AND ……YOU .Change world is an attitude, not is laws, not is norms, not is policy, change world is an fall in love sense, not light or cursi sense.and the first is STOP wars, human traffick, ablacttion, rapes, killied womans, girls and childs,prostituion, and all of the MENS make at womens in all cultures, not is policy,culture,race,democrazy,education,…and all mens arround the world are guilty for make it , for silence, and for cowardice, and all we are guiltys, and in the name of all mens , i am sorry at all women i know, and all womens dont know, and now is possible start change world.Millions womens , girls and childs arround the world are look you, and are waiting for your courage, be them voice….remenber your old bravery….spread the world …and maie poesy…Now is the time, the new age is coming, the age of womens sense, the new woman, the iwomen…….now it the time for change this crazy realtion…..smile and fight for the new future…….cowardice not is an option way of life….of sense , of love of work….Fernando Realid – fernanreal@hotmail.comphone mobile – 0034627189681blog – http://www.fernanreal.blogspot.com

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  2. …..i am……f.e.m.i.n.i.s.t…..!! for " Change The World "write,speak,share,spread the Word,make your own proposal,involved your work community,spread the Word and make poesy,with this Project…..of The United Nations ( U.N ) & UN WOMEN.The Project start on november with the speech below,by President of EE.UU, Barack Obama in New York,UN assembly, like John Kennedy on Berlin….i am…feminist…!! for change the world, women are the key for change,and the POPE Francisco, make the same speech on VATICANE, ROME.., surprising the people over world…you can change the world too, …be expeditive,be creative,be corageous,be altruist, be you….!! Thanks for your interested , and many thanks for your contribution to a bertter world, thanks for your creativity, for your intellegence and for your courage….thanks in my name , in the name of all iinvolved at this absurd, uthopic and fascinant project, thanks in the name of United Nations ( U.N. ) , and many thanks in the name of millions womens,girls and childs arround the world, you are an inspiration and example for us , and for them….Wellcome to he biggest net of activist for change the world, and the most global fith columne, the all countries,international institutions, religions institutions, governments administrations, think-tanks, finance world,univeristies, NGOS, foundations, human rights associattions, womens nationals federations, multinationals the all sectors, knowledges centres of each area, and particulars the all sexual, social and policy condition, sex, age, religion confession, ethic, philosophy, ethnic…You have a power, and this is well , but is a responsability too, the responsability of export your knowledges, creativity, intelligence, sensibility,empathy and resources at all you can trough an altruist way.The United Nations ( U.N. ) & UN WOMEN ; " Change The World Programme " IT IS WOMAN…S.T.U.P.Y.D.S,..!! Not is economy,policy,religions,finance world,culture,education,arts,science,love,sex or fall in love.WOMEN WORLDWIDE SPRING REVOLUTION 2015 ; The last humanity re-evolution for change world and STOP stupyds MEN wars,MEN econony, MEN policies, MEN religions, MEN education, MEN culture, MEN science, MEN communication, MEN journalism, MEN sports, MEN sense life, MEN relationships, MEN bussines, MEN press, MEN love, MEN sex and MEN fall in love.I AM………..F.E.M.i.N.i.S.T……!!! UN WOMEN world campaign….Kiss of love , or french kiss for the true way of relation ourself, others, world, espiritual,earth, space, love, sex or fall in love……….remenber your bravery…..and make poesy……..!!We will sent you at soon possible, the complete programme , and all involucrated arround the world, down we let a blog , where you can view the first part….., check and if you all right , add your means, ideas, senses and write,make music, film, theather, videogames, press,journalism, innovation, emotional, all sciences-POESY, share in your community work, area, family this message, the blog and the compkete project.you can do it , only make it with passion, emotion,with soul….be expeditive, genuine, original, , dont make it the belive or think, try to translate how you sense, , let your mind free, and make it with tears, with fun, with sense, with horror, with happy…..be you…..and the theme is " Change World " or THE LIFE…..AND ……YOU .Change world is an attitude, not is laws, not is norms, not is policy, change world is an fall in love sense, not light or cursi sense.and the first is STOP wars, human traffick, ablacttion, rapes, killied womans, girls and childs,prostituion, and all of the MENS make at womens in all cultures, not is policy,culture,race,democrazy,education,…and all mens arround the world are guilty for make it , for silence, and for cowardice, and all we are guiltys, and in the name of all mens , i am sorry at all women i know, and all womens dont know, and now is possible start change world.Millions womens , girls and childs arround the world are look you, and are waiting for your courage, be them voice….remenber your old bravery….spread the world …and maie poesy…Now is the time, the new age is coming, the age of womens sense, the new woman, the iwomen…….now it the time for change this crazy realtion…..smile and fight for the new future…….cowardice not is an option way of life….of sense , of love of work….Fernando Realid – fernanreal@hotmail.comphone mobile – 0034627189681blog – http://www.fernanreal.blogspot.com

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