Yesterday I took a “relax and renew” yoga class. My intention: To connect with myself.
About 20 minutes in, the teacher’s over-the-top “soothing” voice had filled me with rage.
At first, I thought, “What’s wrong with you, Amanda?! Chill the fuck out!”
Then I actually smiled to myself, as I realized, “You’re connecting with yourself, all right.”
Inner Amanda continued, “You really hate this voice. No sugar-coating it. This woman does not speak to you. Never, ever take a yoga class from her again.”
I walked home from class refreshed, with a spring in my step.
Cut to this morning, when the sound of my husband on conference call after conference call from his side of our home office filled me with similar fury.
I adore him and if we didn’t work from home together I would miss him so much. And if I have to go through one more day listening to his end of a stream of conference calls I think I will scream.
Look, man: Knowing what you like, and what you don’t like…what you HATE…it’s all part of the authentic path. We aren’t all sunshine and roses (I’m not, anyway, and neither is anyone I like very much). Allowing yourself to say, “Fuck that,” is in fact essential to being real.
When I first read The Artist’s Way — a wake-up call to creative living — I remember an entire chapter dedicated to the anger we feel when we realize the years of missed art-making opportunities.
This morning, I realized, my anger wasn’t just about me Getting Real. It had been too long since my last real writing session, and I was getting cranky about it.
So here I am.
Why are we so afraid of anger, anyway?
Maybe because it’s ugly, and we’re supposed to be pretty.
Maybe because it seems mean, and we’re supposed to be nice.
Maybe because it’s real, and it’s so much easier to be fake.
Well, my friends, this week, I invite you to fill yourselves with rage. Get really angry. If you’re fed up, be fed up. And then…DO SOMETHING. After a while, just soaking in an anger bath isn’t very helpful. But if you let that anger fuel you… if you let it provide clarity, and that clarity creates clear action, in service of yourself… well then…
Whoo-hoo, I say.