Discombobulated: saying “and” instead of “but”

I live in Brooklyn, now, again. A year ago, we moved from NYC to DC, and now we’re back, because I got a job offer that was too perfect for me to refuse.

Which means I work in an office, again, for the first time in 10 years. And I work for someone else again — I closed up shop at Good Things Consulting.

And I’m a mother (still) never thought I’d see the day. No one saw that coming.

No one saw the office job coming either myself included.

No one saw me falling in love at age 18, after a high school career spent without a love interest, and then boom, there he was, and he’s still here, 22 years later.

I am full of surprises.

Life feels like a spinning door right now, in and out, up and back, who knows where she’ll land. It’s exhilarating, but lacks grounding. Except, why say “but,” when you can say “and”? It’s exhilarating AND it lacks grounding. This is more than semantics. We aren’t trained for “and.” We are trained that the enjoyable must be at odds with the challenging.  And yet the two extremes co-exist, nearly constantly.

As I started typing the name of this blog post, I was reminded of the Soul Coughing song, “Discombobulated,” only when I Googled it (remember when Google was only a nonsense word, not a verb intrinsic to the human experience?), I realized, it’s called Disseminated (just a wee different meaning). Anyway, I went down the rabbit hole of looking at the lyrics, and I love them, and I wonder what it says about me that I love the words and imagery so much, when they were created by someone under the influence of some very heavy drugs?

A sample:

A toots hibbert
Call up bop and I’m bunting stomach
Koko mop, I chop chunking plummet
Thud on top, I ate the chocodile

Total joyful nonsense.

There isn’t enough of that in the world.

We expect this, OR that. Black, OR white. Choices unfolding in a linear and predictable way. But — AND the older we get, the more we see the lines blurring. The more we realize, “Fuck it, if I want to move, and then move again, where is the rule book saying I can’t?”

It’s only in our heads.

So yes: I am discombobulated right now. I need to meditate and find my rhythm in this new place. And, I am exhilarated.

And….? Only time will tell.

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